 What kind of friend are you?
by: Noah Rickun I have many friends. Call them what you like – friends, acquaintances, colleagues, partners, allies, vendors, customers, confidants, teammates – I aim to build close relationships with everyone I know. It makes doing business fun and it makes living worthwhile. Oddly enough, earning the friendship and the trust of all those I deal with has contributed more to my success than perhaps anything else. It took my kids to point that out to me.
My daughters and I read stories to each other every night before bed (and sometimes, when I'm on the road, we read via Skype). Recently we stumbled upon an insightful book called A Bargain for Frances, by Russell Hoban and Lillian Hoban. It's a classic sales book in disguise. Frances's friend Thelma is a conniving and shrewd businesswoman (yes, I know she's only five years old) who is masterful at creating demand and uncovering buying motives. Thelma takes advantage of Frances by selling a used tea set for far more than it is worth by misrepresentation. When Frances realizes what has happened, she devises a plan to undo the transaction and succeeds (although somewhat mischievously).
Thelma quickly understands that Frances has gotten even and remarks, "From now on I will have to be careful when I play with you."
"Being careful is not as much fun as being friends," says Frances. "Do you want to be careful, or do you want to be friends?"
Whoa. That question hit me hard. Real business, real growth, real partnerships, real relationships, and real friendships can only occur where trust exists and the necessity to "be careful" is absent.
I began to look at the people in my life and ask myself whether I am "careful" or "friends" with them. I discovered that I am both, but that the people I truly appreciate, trust, and wholeheartedly devote myself to helping give me an unspoken and unconscious feeling of safety. I wonder if you make your friends and customers feel safe.
I have a very close friend that has never been "careful" with me. This friend is part advisor, part confidant, part teammate, part opponent, part advocate, and all appreciated. Not having to be "careful" has resulted in higher quality output, higher revenues, and an abundance of enjoyable interactions (and transactions!).
Here are some of the qualities of a true business friend:
Willing to help. Sometimes it's advice; sometimes it's grunt work. Either way, friends lend a hand without hesitation.
Willing to argue. A friend knows when you need to be challenged and does not need to worry about hurting your feelings.
Willing to use tough love. Sometimes saying "no" is the best and the right thing to do for a friend.
Willing to defend. When you come under scrutiny, a friend always has your back.
Willing to criticize. A friend understands that criticizing your ideas or your work is not the same as criticizing you.
Willing to compliment. A friend does not have to be "careful" about giving you the upper hand or advantage by telling you when you do well.
Willing to believe. A friend accepts your claims and promises without waffling.
Willing to refer. A friend does not consider referring you to others a risk and provide testimony for your claims.
Willing to defer. A friend knows when you are best suited, most qualified, and apt to make the right decision. Your advice counts.
Willing to invest. Time, money, sweat, energy. But mostly time.
Willing to give. A friend gives without expectation. No keeping tabs.
Willing to take. A friend receives without psychic debt. Gratefulness without the "I owe you one."
There are many more qualities of a friend, but children's books have taught me another lesson – fewer words and fewer pages do not mean less impact. In fact, this time it was quite the opposite.
Thank you, Frances. |
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